I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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