I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
