The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
