Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
