I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
