Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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