Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
