The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
