Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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