What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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