there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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