that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
