my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
