Welp...herpes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize