her vagine was all disorganized.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This baby is an asshole
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
