i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
