So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
