I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
