I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
