I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
