I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
