i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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