FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
