I just found a bag of teeth...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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