Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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