I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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