break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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