Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
