I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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