you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
