I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
