i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
