who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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