I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
