Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
