You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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