she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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