I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
