i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
