I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
