im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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