is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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