My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
