I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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