If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
