Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
