Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i barfeds in our rink
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
