can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
