my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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