I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
