he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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