I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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