I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
