Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you win again, gameday.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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