He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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