Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
