yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
