and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
