I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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