I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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