How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it's like iHOP with fire
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
