Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
