So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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