As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
