I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
