in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
