Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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