I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
