Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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