Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
