I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
