Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize