walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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