I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
