also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We named our party play list daddy issues
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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