And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
