I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do vagina's smell?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
