Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
