i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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