I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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