Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
