We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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