i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This is classic penis vs brain.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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