Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
