..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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